Love Letters 💌 to the first of many deep, soft, and wholesome conversations with strangers 🧸 ps. I’m still shaking lol
Yesterday I had my first ever in-person event for Don’t Be Strangers and my stomach was twisting knots and butterflies. Flashback to 2015, I’m a student teacher again, executing lesson plans and having to improvise on the spot as activities always took longer than prescribed. Fast-foward to a few months ago, I’m hosting my first ever conversational game night on Discord. They say that things get easier with practice, but it seems that my stage fright will follow me to my grave.
Why can’t I just be content living a simple life? This thought always crosses my mind whenever I’m about to do something very uncomfortable that I have set myself up for.
The group that showed up was a cozy total of 9 people (including me). I wasn’t expecting a lot, and I think I already knew that deep down I had no desire to show up to a crowd either. Of the 8 guests that arrived, there were only 3 strangers to me — 2 friends of friends and one brave and adventurous soul. Probably because the majority of the group already knew each other (my personal group of friends whom I’ve all introduced to each other from past clothes swaps — see previous love letter for context 💌), the social dynamic felt almost like a reunion of sorts.
I secretly worried that the few new friends without previous social ties to others in the group would feel left out. I really wanted everyone to feel included.
I was fumbling. I could feel it in the way I fumble-ly announced to the table of students who were previously using the room to study, the room I had reserved for my event, that an event was starting here in 20 minutes. I sure felt it as I was trying to get everyone’s attention to present my short introduction to kickoff the event, clumsily holding my 15” laptop in one hand (until Mariko came to save the day to hold it for me), with my friends so graciously sending me snaps (thanks Kelly) and “woohoo’s” (love ya Bekah) to cheer me on. I thought to myself, “Get this presentation over with, no one wants to hear your advertisements. They came for the conversations.”
We arrived at the part where I turned the mic to my friend Bekah, who will be hosting her very own art gallery in the same coffee shop in about a month, to share a little about her passion project that we’re co-hosting together. She speaks exuberantly, gracefully, and taking her time but also taking the right amount of time to fully explain the depth of her project. I wished I could present like her.
By the time we got to the questions cards, I rushed my introduction for fear of having already taken up too much space. I regretted setting a bad example as I passed the questions along. Thank goodness for Austin (one of the strangers) for sharing his life story in his introduction. It instantly shifted the mood to something so much more open, inviting, and vulnerable the moment he gave so much to this group of strangers.
My friends were asking really good follow up questions and everyone’s game to share realness. Maybe it was because I was no longer talking, but as we moved through the circle and each person took a turn to share a piece of themselves, I felt the lightness. Maybe it was because my existing group of friends was there but there was humor and joy co-existing in the solidarity of past struggles.
I always third wheel in groups, and, even at my own event, I definitely felt myself leaning back. But instead of feeling awkward and out of place, this time — it felt really wholesome.
I had brought these people together. Even within my friend group, I was realizing as they made their introductions, that the reason they knew each other was because of me.
And the best part of all this? I’m doing this again (with probably less of my friends and more actual strangers) in less than a week. 📆 I’m taking all of these learnings and hopefully doing this event better next time! 🤞🏼
At the end of the day, knowing that I want to scale Don’t Be Strangers as a global community (soft world domination?), I know it’s not reasonable to expect that the community would fold together so perfectly that everyone would want to be everyone else’s friend.
But what I hope is that this community will provide an emotional point of reference for what a community can feel like. I hope that it inspires you to seek and create your own community, whether it is through Don’t Be Strangers, or any other means — one that wants to know you deeply, support you fully, and always make you feel as if you are coming home.
🏡
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