The Ultimate Guide to Making Friends as an Adult Online

Written by Jasmine Lee, host of our online coworking space for writers. You can find her at @jasminelee.uk on IG and TikTok.

As a young millennial, I thought it was normal to make and nurture friendships online. Whether we met on Facebook, Tumblr, or Instagram, meeting new people who would eventually become friends came naturally. If anything, as a shy teenager, I felt more emboldened to reach out and connect with others thanks to the illusion of safety that came with socializing from behind a screen.

This continues to be true for me when making friends as an adult. Especially as someone who has moved around several times over the last 10 years, using the internet to befriend others has been integral to building a healthy social life both on and offline. I continue to meet and befriend strangers from places like Bumble BFF, Meetup, and even Reddit on top of the social networks I’ve mentioned before. I think anyone who spends time online could benefit from opening themselves up to the possibility of connecting with someone new in a way that feels genuine to them.

This is a short and sweet guide on how to make friends online in an easy and safe way.

Meet people where you already are, and where you’re most comfortable

If you’re already active online, you are already in a prime place to make friends if you haven’t yet. I can guarantee that on mutual interest groups in particular, most members are open to getting to know each other beyond the message forums. If you’re on Facebook, for example, are there any active groups where you engage with others either via chat or in the comments? People really appreciate anyone who can give helpful advice or tips, and will generally be more open to taking discussion further if you offer them some useful information.

I’ve befriended two women thanks to Facebook groups and successfully went from chatting online to even travelling to Spain to meet one of them for a tennis retreat!

If not already in an online community, look around for common interest groups or communities like Don’t Be Strangers, where we are always welcome to meet new faces and bring people together to enjoy fun or quiet activities.

Building Genuine Connections

Once you’ve found your community, it’s time to start building relationships. Here are some tips:

• Be yourself: Authenticity is key. Even if you don’t spark a friendship with someone, that just means it may not be a compatible match and that’s ok! To quote a recent favourite mantra of mine: rejection is redirection. The people who will become your best friends will see and appreciate you for the person you are.
• Be curious: It’s the same both off and online — people are interested in others who take a genuine interest in them. Be forthcoming and friendly when contributing to discussions, ask about their interests and experiences, and let conversation naturally flow.
• Be patient and consistent: Building friendships takes time. Don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t happen overnight but consistency matters — regularly keeping touch with people online will solidify your presence in an online community, allowing other members to more easily recall who you are and what you’re all about.

Taking it Offline

While it’s not always possible, hanging out with an online friend in person can be a great way to deepen your connection. That being said, your safety comes first and never do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with and trust your gut. Online scams are so rampant and only becoming more advanced as time goes on, so I would advise to never send money or private information to an online friend, no matter how well you think you know them at that point. As another general rule, I wouldn’t trust someone you intend to/hope to meet one day in person who isn’t forthcoming about their identity or comfortable with speaking over the phone or on a video call.

Meeting in a public place is always a good way to initiate an in-person meet up, and just for extra safety, make sure you send your location to a trusted friend or family member and agree on a time to check in with this person to make sure you are OK.

Challenges

Making friends online isn’t without its challenges. Here are some common hurdles and tips to overcome them:

• Fear of rejection: It’s normal to feel nervous about reaching out but it’s also to experience rejection! As I mentioned before, rejection is redirection towards the people who you will get along with.
• Time management: Balance your online social life with your offline commitments.
• Maintaining consistency: Regular engagement is essential for building strong connections.

I hope that with this quick guide you now have the confidence to go forth and make new friends online. By following these tips, you are now equipped to build lasting friendships. But remember: It’s important to maintain a healthy balance between online and offline interactions, as ‘real-life’ connections are equally important for overall well-being.

Want a more in-depth guide to building meaningful connections? Download our free ebook, How to Make Friends with Anyone, now for detailed advice from our founder Xinyi Xan.